the signs as Bob's Burgers quotes

• Aries:My life is more difficult than anyone else on the planet. And yes, I'm including starving children, so don't ask.
• Taurus:If you need me, I'll be on the floor. Dying.
• Gemini:Summer is awful. There's too much pressure to enjoy yourself.
• Cancer:Mommy doesn't get drunk. She just has fun.
• Leo:I got a tool to remove security tags! Next Christmas is on me!
• Virgo:Ooh, mini croissants! No matter what I say, stop me when I've had sixteen.
• Libra:Was it obvious I don't care?
• Scorpio:I'm no hero. I put my bra on one boob at a time like everyone else.
• Sagittarius:What is this feeling I'm feeling right now? It's like I'm sad for another person? Is that a thing? AM I GOING CRAZY?
• Capricorn:Okay, fine. But I'm gonna complain the whole time.
• Aquarius:Hey, daytime whiskey, wanna meet my CD collection?
• Pisces:I don't need a boy to pay attention to me. I'll pay attention to myself.