the signs' cause of death - too much gay sex within a 48 hour period? Works for me.

• aries:drowned in cash and women
• taurus:death by mozzarella sticks
• gemini:balled too hard
• cancer:too much gay sex within a 48 hour period
• leo:parkour
• virgo:crushed by their own ego
• libra:forgot to eat, sleep, or drink water because they were watching netflix
• scorpio:trampled in a pride parade
• sagittarius:suspicious incident involving eggs
• capricorn:did it for the vine
• aquarius:a 5-way
• pisces:one of those papercuts right on your fingertip